Rambling, continued.

Last evening, some of us gate-crashed into a farewell party of the senior batch. Jen and Lolo assured us that we were invited… So we were there, and we were very much welcomed by the remaining few. They were almost winding up as many had to catch a flight the next day to far away places… to continue their journey.

Only a few were hardly sober … but the air had the heavy feeling of sadness… one of them kept saying, “we were so safe in this program bubble .. and now it will be another life..” Well, this brought back my memories of my masters graduation around 7 years ago .. But then I was much younger, with a steady boyfriend and all I could think was all that time I had to myself to be run on my own terms, my financial security (never having have to trouble my dad!), my ultimate freedom .. It took no time … after the initial excitement, I realized that I was a slave of habits… not having to worry and not having to be somewhere on a specified time , was suddenly scary! I brooded a lot and was ever rooted in front of the TV just not to let my thoughts get hold of me.. Then before I knew, I was working - believing that finally I was rescued!! Did things change then? Isnt the other side always green?! Responsibilities, Dead Lines, Ego wars, Cut Throats, Chamchagiri, Techno-indigestion disorders … etc etc .. When I was a student, dad used to always remind me that this is the time; you should find answers to all your doubts about everything you learn and hear and see .. Grown ups are not expected to do so and if they did, they are ridiculed or ignored…

Isnt this a strange world .. We think that it is not right to ask too many questions - questions that might ask a person to state the truth, the truth of his being, her work, his thought, her aim … And the thought behind the question itself. I am in a university town. So when I walk around, most of the times, I see people who are in their early 20s .. And I keep wondering what would they be thinking now.. Exams, worried about the name, fame and claims .. Girls (chances of getting laid is the ideal thought, I am told), about what-they-thought anxities .. I wonder if they ever thought of home at all .. Not that it matters .. And I live in an apartment complex filled with old timers.. So when I see an oldie hobble towards the lift… was it the aching back, the grocery shopping, the winter chills .. Well, I wonder what would happen if we all happen to think in a similar pattern …an algorithm to it. Predictable? Will that make the world less conflicting with contradicting thoughts and unexpected outcomes from unexpected understanding of these thoughts..

Digression!!

If they weren’t so drunk I would not have taken their words at face values … weren’t they looking forward to an exciting life and the opportunities that lay ahead of them … to prove the world that “making change happen” is not a slogan from an ad campaign .. Or did they realize in their “spirited” awareness that it was too late .. . beyond the human race … but just try and fit into the whole charade … just continue the game, for some more time... Till the end of one’s own time.